Since so many people have asked me for updates on my father, I decided to just write update for everyone who wanted to know what was going on. I emailed many of them, but am putting a copy here because it as good a journal of this part of the journey as I will get. The top of this is the current plan, such as it is, and the latter part is what happened yesterday.
Plans
I am honoring Mom's wishes that I save as much of my available time until later; when she thinks that she will need me more. That means that I am flying home on Saturday with a return booked on Tuesday. I have promised her that if she changes her mind about needing me now, that I will stay. It leaves me in limbo but Mom needs care taking too. She needs to feel she has some control over what happens around her. She also needs to feel that we believe she is doing a good job and that we trust her judgment. Besides, I do respect my Mom and she is the best judge of what she needs to cope. I also have a ticket to Great Falls on the 21st of Feb with a return on the 26th.
Last night
Today was a really bad day for her. It started early (3AM). Dad somehow got out of bed on his own twice during the night, though most times he cannot move much voluntarily. When she got him up this morning she discovered Dad is now incontinent. She got him braced up against the bathroom counter to wash his face and then went to take care of the bed. While she was running their bedding downstairs to the washing machine, he fell over backward into the bath tub and got himself wedged in there. Near as I can tell, he fell even though he was using the counter to maintain his balance. That is not the only possibility, his back is very itchy and when he tries to scratch it, he often unbalances (though never before when braced against something).
She could not get him out of the tub herself (though she did get him straightened out and a pillow under his head. She had to call the fire department for help. Dad was a little scraped up but otherwise uninjured. The firemen were incredibly helpful; they got Dad out of the tub, cleaned him up, dressed him, and showed Mom how to safely help him into a wheel chair. Thankfully, hospice had delivered a wheel chair the day before so as of today Dad is in a wheelchair except for using the toilet.
Jeff (my brother) is not going to be there tomorrow as planned. They have blizzard conditions with 40 mph winds. Mom is really disappointed - she was counting on him for help lifting Dad. I think she also just needs a little more help with the daily chores. She has some help - their friends have an informal calling circle and show up to take care of household problems. Two of her friends are taking turns keeping Dad company and Mitch came over last night to help her put Dad to bed. Mary, Mitch's wife, fixed the toilet problem Dad created while Mitch helped Mom.
Today, Thursday, will be a day with more help. Hospice is sending a home health aide to give Dad a bath and a physical therapist to help Mom figure out how to keep Dad safe while transferring him
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