As those of you who follow this blog know, the last year has not exactly been a great one for me. It doesn't look like this year is going to be any better -- in fact I think it's going to be worse. Dad's cancer is growing again. It's obviously sending little spiderwebs out into new sections of his brain. The oncologist confirms that it's a growing, although I have no idea how fast or how far, etc., because nobody tells me this. I don't think they tell me because I don't think they register it. Dad not only doesn't remember things, I don't think he's registering things or processing things the way he used to. Sometimes he's really good, seems like his old self, and then other days he has hard time holding a conversation because he gets lost. He forgets what you just said to him so you can have the whole conversation over again.
The growth of cancer also means that dad is having problems in new areas. The scariest may be that he is now having balance problems. He's fallen at least twice, although he doesn't remember falling. The hardest time for him is the transition between sitting down and standing up. I don't think I'd ever really registered just how much balance was involved in that.
Anyhow, it's gotten really tough for me. I'm having a terrible time focusing on anything. And I spend a lot of time crying this week. I'm hopeful that will resolve itself as I get adjusted to the fact that it's now definite Dad is dying. God, what a horrid thing to say! But it's true, my dad is dying a slow, debilitating death.
And if that wasn't enough, I found that yesterday my best friends are moving to Seattle. This is going to be really good for them, but I will miss them terribly. Since they're a big part of my support system, I don't know how I will function without them. I've started crying again -- don't know if it will ever stop
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