Grandma had a stroke

Okay, so it is quarter of 11pm and I am totally pissed. My beloved grandmother had a stroke that seems to be affecting the nerves that control her eyes. Effectively, it is blinding her.

My mom took her to the ER by car instead of calling an ambulance because it did not seem to be life threatening and was faster. The ER staff left her in the waiting room for over an hour!!! They missed the bloody window of opportunity to intervene because they did not see her right away. Not important enough to triage ahead if someone delivers you by car instead of ambulance? For once I understand the desire to sue some one for damages. Personally, I cannot quit swearing, and I generally don't. I would have a strong drink but I decided an antidepressant was not the ideal addition.

What makes it worse is that I am on a business trip back in Omaha. I have been living there for 5 months. It happens one of the few times I am away. Mom has no one there to hold her hand or give her a hug. Grandma doesn't understand what is happening or why she cannot see.

She already wanted to die. When every vertebrae in your back is broken because of osteoporosis, you hurt all the time. She cannot hear much even with her hearing aids. She did not want to live in a nursing home or be dependent on anyone. Dieing would be a relief.

Instead she has a stroke that may leave her blind. Her major recreation is reading, playing cards, crocheting, correspoding with friends, and watching Jeopardy. ALL of those require sight. Living independently is hard if you cannot see. If she cannot see, it would have been kinder if she died. I so don't want her to have to live out her nightmares.